Monday, 21 July 2014

Pork n' Beans Bread

I don’t know what kind of pills they’re taking, but today’s senior cakers are nothing like the generation before them. Long gone are the needlepoint, ugly shoes and blue rinse. These days, elderly folks are hang gliding, purchasing prophylactics and wearing hot pants. (Trust me on the hot pants. There’s an old man in my hood who wears them and brother’s got gams.)

Awhile back, my mom took me to the mall food court where her posse hangs out. There was a square dance going on – and you should’ve seen these seniors cutting a rug! I even noticed a pair getting frisky in the corner. My mom said they were just sharing a piece of Freedent, but I have my doubts.

This week’s recipe was given to me by my mom’s friend Mia, who, at 96, is still going strong. (The preservatives in caker food mean we’re always the last ones standing.) Mia says Pork n’ Beans Bread is a family favourite and while I admit that the idea of eating pureed pork was troublesome, I’m happy to report that it’s moist (thanks, cup of oil!) and delicious. Like a soft spice cake. Only better. Because it’s got fibre. And, uh, pork.

Speaking of fibre, there ain’t none in Italy. Which explains my pinched expression during my recent visit there. Come back Friday for my “Caker in Itlee” investigative report. Let’s just say the Ragu’s about to hit the fan.

Thanks, Mia! See you on the dance floor.

15-ounce can pork and beans
4 eggs, beaten
1 cup vegetable oil
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups sugar
1 teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
1 ½ teaspoons cinnamon
1 cup chopped pecans or walnuts
3 cups flour

Spray two 9”x 5”x 3” loaf pans with Pam. Don’t drain pork and beans. Put in a food processor or blender and process them until they’re pureed smooth with no lumps. Place beaten eggs in large bowl. Stir in pureed pork and beans and mix well. Add vegetable oil and vanilla. Mix well. Add sugar, then mix in baking soda, baking powder, salt and cinnamon. Stir. Stir in chopped nuts. Add flour, 1 cup at a time, stirring after each addition. Spoon half of batter in one loaf pan and other half in second loaf pan. Bake at 350° for about 1 hour.

Source: Caker Mia

22 comments:

  1. I don't why I am so unreasonably prejudiced against this - but I mostly like my bread to be vegetarian! A sausage roll - no problem, a steak and onion pasty - yes please.... but pork cake?!?!? I think I'll pass on that one.

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    1. You mean to tell me you've never made Chocolate Kidney Cake?

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    2. I'm sure you could make it with pork-free tinned beans (beans with pork contains very little actual pork--mostly pork fat). A can of maple syrup baked beans would probably add a nice flavour.

      I am struck, however, by the thought that this recipe had to have been the result of a very drunk someone deciding impulsively that they needed to make banana bread NOW, and then, realizing that they all the ingredients except for the bananas, opened the cupboard, saw the tin of beans and thought, 'Why the hell not?'

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    3. Truthfully, I think most caker recipes get invented that way. Can't find apples for your pie? Throw in soda crackers! Making a cake? Add a can of tomato soup! We're nothing if not a resourceful bunch.

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  2. This is a great loaf- I make it quite frequently. Also, there's the extra fun in the shock value of telling folks what's really in it once they've consumed a slice of two. Plus, frankly, who doesn't need a bit of extra fibre.

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    1. I enjoy shocking my guests, too. "That piece of pie you just ate? It had tuna in it! Oh...you're allergic to fish?"

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  3. Holy crap, Brian! I can't believe you ate this and lived. I mean, any recipe with a WHOLE CUP of oil, plus the instruction "Stir in pureed pork and beans..." just sounds way, way, too dangerous for me. I guess I'm just Caker Lite™.
    Glad to have you back in this hemisphere, and I can't WAIT to read your report.

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    1. Not only did I eat this and live, but I also grew three new hairs on my chest. Never underestimate the power of pork n' beans. Or is it pork 'n beans? Those little commas in the air always screw me up.

      You just wait for that report. It's going to be pretty controversial. 20/20 has nothing on me.

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    2. The apostrophes in contractions are supposed to be where a letter has been deleted, but way too many people get this wrong (probably the same sort who think that apostrophes indicate that a noun is plural). So, pork and beans would be properly contracted as pork 'n' beans.

      I am all for anything that grows hair on men's chests.

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    3. That's a cup of oil for two loaves. A typical single loaf banana bread recipe calls for half a cup of oil or butter, so it's not an unusual amount of fat for a quick bread. That being said, quick breads (snack cakes) should not be the staple of anyone's diet.

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    4. You're correct. Quick breads should not be a staple of anyone's diet. Especially if you wash down your slice with a cup of oil.

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  4. Thank god you're back! The internet and my digestive tract just haven't been the same without you.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Gumbee. I know what you mean. I went two weeks without eating caker food and I didn't have gas once. It was frightening. I promised never to do that to myself again.

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  5. wow. i'm impressed that you made this. and i'm really glad that it was good. i'm also intrigued by what appears to be little chunks in the loaf. is that maybe some pork that didn't quite get all the way pureed?

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    1. Those chunks are actually peanuts. I copied down Mia's recipe, but my handwriting is so bad, even I can't read it. I thought it said "peanuts" when really it was "pecans." Anyways, the peanuts aren't bad. And I guess they work thematically, since they're a legume. I think.

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    2. This is mental.

      I can't wait for Friday!

      What time will you be posting so I can set my alarm and down tools?

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    3. Talk about pressure! I hope I don't disappoint you. Set your alarm for two minutes past the rooster crow.

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  6. Replies
    1. Oh, come on, Yinzerella. You've made worse than this, haven't you? I seem to remember a post where you (gag) poached a tongue.

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    2. That was my all time favourite blog post ever on any blog in any of the known universe. The photographs were priceless!

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  7. 2 cups of sugar. Just reading the recipe is giving me diabetes.

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    Replies
    1. It's a lot of sugar. But bear in mind it's spread across two loaves. Just don't eat both loaves.

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