Best and Worst of All Time

Well, we’re finally here – the last Caker Cooking post. And I’m going out with a bang of gas. Originally, I planned to post my best and worst of 2014 list, but then I thought, “Why limit yourself, Brian?” So here is Caker Cooking’s best and worst of all time! Loosen up your belt buckle and get the Tums. You’re about to journey into the light – and into the shadows.

Best
I know most a few of you haven’t made any food from this blog, but unless you’re one of those 50 Shades types, why would you deny yourself pleasure? Just toss your sodium, saturated fat and high fructose corn syrup concerns out the door and make these recipes already.

Lasagna 
Whenever I make cakerized Italian food, you can't imagine the grief I have to endure from my Eye-talian better half. “There you go again,” he’ll say. “Bastardizing my culture.” So when I served him this lasagna, complete with cottage cheese and tomato soup, I put in my earplugs. Good job I didn’t have my blindfold on or else I would’ve missed seeing him go back for seconds. Just don’t tell his mother.

Source: Coverless Eaton's Employees Cookbook





Macaroni Casserole 
This is my mom’s (aka The Caker Queen) signature dish. I grew up on this casserole and look at how sad successful I turned out! You know how people on death row can request a last meal? This would be mine. It's just macaroni, ground beef and tomato soup but it's salvation. I'd complete my meal with a sprinkling Kraft para-me-shun cheese on top and a box of Pot O’ Gold chocolates. I wouldn’t even need the legend. I’d eat the whole box. Even the orange cream ones.

Source: The Caker Queen

Skor Bars 
Most people think Saltines were invented for Campbell's soup and hand-torn squares of Kraft Singles. But Mr. Christie was a caker and invented soda crackers for another reason: Skor Bars. You don’t think they’ll taste good, but they do. You’re amazed. So you eat more. Then you get depressed and wonder if your new Jordache jeans will fit. Which leads to you eating more. Which comforts you. Which leads you to eating more. In other words, the story of my life.

Source: The Best of Enbridge


Chegetti
Sometimes, I brought the casseroles I made on this blog to my mom. Unlike my Eye-talian partner, she has some pretty low standards. Thankfully. When she tried Cheghetti, she said it was better than her Macaroni Casserole. Sound the clarinets and get Donahue on the phone! This is big news! This has spaghetti, ground beef and Velveeta. Warning: Velveeta is ridiculously expensive. Why is fake cheese more expensive than real cheese? It’s a mystery that will continue to haunt me for years to come.

Source: From Our Kitchens…With Love, Glen Ayr United Church Women


Mock Apple Pie 
Look, I know many of you are skeptical. But this right here is a modern-day miracle. This pie has no apples and tastes exactly like an apple pie. You can thank Ritz crackers for that. Make this for your next staff potluck and you’ll be the talk of the party. Sure, you may get some funny looks. But cakers have been getting funny looks for years.

Source: A.R.C. Industries Cookbook





Worst
It’s about to get real ugly up in here, so you may want to put on those rose-coloured glasses. I excluded reader recipes from this list because there were so many it didn’t seem fair.

Resurrection Rolls
I don’t consider myself an overly religious person but if I was going to find a way to represent the resurrection of Christ, I don’t think I’d immediately reach for the Pillsbury crescent rolls and a bag of marshmallows. I mean, don’t you think Jesus would be a little put off by this? “At least you could’ve used a croissant,” he’d probably say.

Source: Canadian Bible Society Celebration Cookbook

Tomato JELL-O
I don’t know what drugs cakers took in the seventies, but no one, and I repeat NO ONE, should ever mix vegetables with JELL-O. If the Good Lord had wanted JELL-O and vegetables to be brought together, He would’ve invented vegetello. But He didn’t. So stay away. Or else the locusts will come. I’m serious about this.

Source: St. Luke's United Church Cookbook




Corn Ring
It’s not that it tasted bad, but damn if this dish didn’t hit every branch of the ugly tree on its way down. In case you’re wondering, you’re looking at a meat loaf with a hole filled with creamed corn. And let’s not get started on the name! Imagine turning to your dinner guests and asking, “Now, who wants to taste my Corn Ring?” People will start wondering if they’re at one of those keys parties.

Source: The Cooking Secrets of First United Church Women



Green Salad Mold
Science is one of those blessing/curse things. Yes, it’s great that we have a vaccine for polio. No, it’s not good that we can solidify vegetables. Sometimes, gelatin is used for evil means.

Source: Knox On-Camera Recipes: A Completely New Guide to Gel-Cookery







"This is Terrible – the Soda is Overwhelming!" Cherry Pudding
Occasionally, recipes in my cookbooks have handwritten notes next to them, like “Good!” and “Al’s favourite!” and “Why am I so lonely?” I made this Cherry Pudding because of the critical note next to it. And yes, the soda was overwhelming. It was horrible. I can only assume the recipe was typed incorrectly or there’s a psychotic caker running around London, Ontario, having a good laugh at everyone’s expense. Don’t make this. Ever.

Source: London Newcomers' Cook Book



And that’s a wrap! Thank you for making the time for me over the years and for joining me on my caker journey. I hope you’ve learned – and made – a few things along the way, whether you’re a caker or not.

May there always be a casserole waiting for you at the end of the day. Preferably one with crushed potato chips on top.

Brian

20 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing all your Caker wisdom! I'll miss it.

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    1. I'm glad you think it's "wisdom," Poppy, and not foolishness. I'm walking on a fencepost these days.

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  2. Happy trails, Yoda of convenience cooking! You have warmed our hearts, tickled our funny bones and hardened our arteries, and we will miss you. xo

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    1. Thank you, bluerhondda! I'm going down to the arcade tonight and getting a shirt screenprinted with "Yoda of Convenience Cooking" written on it. And I'm paying extra for sparkly letters.

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  3. Awww - Brian, we're gonna miss you! My mondays will never be the same again xxx

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    1. I'll miss your comments, Asparagus Pea! You're one of the finest.

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  4. It's been a sweet, salty, cheesy, condensed-soup adventure. Thanks for that!
    And your blog inspired me to write short story, based around mock apple pie. Maybe...one day...when I edit it...(it's still draft #1)....I just might share it with you! (Apologies in advance.)

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    1. You are very welcome, Paronomaniac. Personally, I don't think there are enough stories in the world based around mock apple pie. So you go on with your bad self and fill that void. Good luck!

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    2. Im going to miss your fabulous recipes and great sense of humour. I'm not in the least skeptical about the Mock Apple Pie, because I tried that recipe back when I was a skeptical teen . I can tell you none could tell the difference between real apple pie and Ritz Cracker Pie. One of the big mysteries of the universe.

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    3. Mock apple pie is truly one of the universe's biggest mysteries, Debzi333. Along with Kim Kardashian's career.

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  5. I miss this blog already!!
    I've enjoyed all the posts. Even the ones that made me scrunch up my nose and look away.
    Don't blame me if I still tweet you the odd recipe...especially the odd recipes.

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    1. Let's face it - the nose-scrunching recipes are always the best. Please keep sending the odd recipe my way. I'll likely go through a withdrawal period and the only cure might be making a tuna and JELL-O mold.

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  6. Will miss you! Please leave site up so I have access to caker crafts and tomato soup cake! What is your next adventure?

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    1. Thanks, Stephanie! I'll leave the site up, so if you ever have some spare pipe cleaners lying around, you know where to go for inspiration. As far as next adventure, wrapping up the third book is on the radar. Along with eating a vitamin or two.

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  7. I am virtually clinging to you and crying, "Nooooo! Don't leave us!" Being of stoic Norwegian descent, I would not normally exhibit such emotion, so I am blaming it on the cold medication.

    If you must go, though, could you at least tell us if your mother finished installing your golden harvest kitchen appliances?

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    1. I'm of Norwegian descent, too! On my grandmother's side. I don't know if that explains her love of blood pudding.
      Yes, I'm happy to report that Mother's back improved and she managed to get my harvest gold appliances up the stairs. She's currently hanging my wallpaper border. I've tried telling her that most people don't hang wallpaper using a staple gun, but she never listens to me.

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  8. Brian! I had no idea that you were wrapping up the blog! I will miss it. Best of luck to you and your next adventure (whatever that may be). I hope to still keep in touch over on twitter. Happy New Year!

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    1. Yep, I'm hanging up the ol' questionably stained, ruffled apron, Yinzerella. It's been great getting to know you. And good luck with Dinner is Served. Happy New Year to you, too!

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  9. Here I was finally after 30 years of marriage finally learning to cook and you quit on me! I will have to save all of these recipes and work my way through them. Hope I make it to 31!

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    1. There are more than enough recipes on here to last you at least another 30 years of marriage - provided both of you can withstand the sodium.

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